Former US president Bill Clinton has recently expressed the sentiment that he wishes he had left the White House in a coffin. Quite an admirable sentiment Bill, I understand you are missing the pretty White House interns, especially since Hillary has been busy, earlier with the campaign and now as Secretary of State.
Of course we all remember the story of the gown, which its owner was determined to preserve for posterity as fossilized remains of your presidential DNA. Perhaps it would have been rediscovered by the reincarnated man after the cataclysm (as predicted by all the major religions of the world) and they would have cloned a new Bill out of it. That hope though is still not dead, I’m sure you were bitten by a mosquito or two on your many trips to India (remember ‘Jurassic Park’?).
Sadly for Bill the US constitution does not allow him to be president for more than two terms, so his coffin has to come out of somewhere other than the White House. Wouldn’t he be wishing he had been born in India? Firstly there would be no dearth of hangers-on willing to suck up to him (Bill’s favorite form of entertainment as we all know by now), and secondly there is nothing in our constitution to prevent his wish from materializing. Our leaders here are mostly octogenarians and nonagenarians, bent over double with arthritis, misty with Alzheimer’s, yet holding onto the reins of power with grips of steel. These ‘Iron Men’ may be rusted and battered and creaking at their joints, but they continue to be party presidents, prime ministers and presidents long past the time when they should have been dumped into the junk pile.
And Bill, you don’t have to worry about being a foreigner and all that stuff. We Indians are an accommodating people; if we can accept an Italian waitress as our de facto Prime Minister, then sure we can accept a former US President gladly enough. Only you got to divorce Hillary and marry into the family that holds the title deeds to our country and get the name Gandhi appended to you. Bill Gandhi – now doesn’t that sound much better than Bill Clinton? And yes, you’ll also have to cast away all those designer suites, and get into a dhoti kurta (don’t forget to wax your legs); in India we believe in being simple in our Public lives. But rest in peace (forgive the pun), that’s only for the public, in fact in your private life you can cast away all your clothes if that’s what you wish. As for election speeches in Hindi don’t worry – any leader worth his/her salt and pepper in India has a speechwriter who will write the words out for you in the English language; indeed,you can even give your speeches in marathi which will make Raj Thackery and his goons root for you big time. Besides nobody really listens to the speeches at campaigns – everybody here knows how much election promises are worth. You see, we Indians believe that the whole of life, and especially democratic elections, are Maya (Sanskrit, meaning illusion).