Beastly Beauty

The generously endowed Katie Price aka Jordan has done something for the show ‘I’m A Celebrity’ that has redefined the traditionally glorified relationship between beauty and beast. And sure enough, ever since the act, the kangaroos are hopping around with an extra spring in their steps. And why not; after all, not many Homo sapiens, let alone other mammals, can boast of such attention from the busty beauty. The younger kangaroos are ogling her burgeoning blow-ups hung up on the walls of their mothers’ marsupial sacs, having wet-dreams about similar ministrations to their persons.

The kiwis though are hopping mad. Quite sick of the big-brotherly attitude of the kangaroos and always keen to prove to the world their social equality to the marsupials, they have taken Jordan’s special attentions to the kangaroos as an intentional slight and an affront to their pride. The Head Kiwi has already shot off an angry letter of protest to the producer of the show with the subject: “Kiwis are ass good to eat” and they are now planning to march in large numbers onto his office demanding that Jordan lavish the same attention on them (see illustration). The president of the kangaroos fended off all questions related to this kiwi demand with a diplomatic smile, hinting however that this years’ Cricket Champions’ Trophy final defeat by the kangaroos still rankled in the kiwi national mind.

Meanwhile, the author of the book ‘How to Climb the Corporate Ladder’ has sued the show’s producer, claiming that the idea of the beauty’s feast was lifted straight out of a chapter in his book: ‘How to Get a Promotion’. Legal experts believe he has a good chance of winning the claim.

Katie herself was unavailable for comment. It is known from reliable sources however, that all bottles of mouthwash have disappeared from the shelf of the supermarket in the vicinity of her house.

I have always been a great believer. I've flitted from one belief to another, from religion to atheism and from one philosophy to another, until I finally settled on J. Krishnamurti whose philosophy is that there is no philosophy. So now I firmly believe that there is nothing to believe. Now such a belief would, I believe, have been considered dangerous to society if the authorities had believed me to be of any consequence. No man of consequence they believe would waste his time on the pursuit of blogging!

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Posted in Satire
7 comments on “Beastly Beauty
  1. I hear she’s punishing viewers by refusing to bare her breasts. Serves them right for not showing her the respect she deserves.

  2. nursemyra says:

    I can’t stand that woman

  3. Lynn says:

    so youre a breast man….

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