Tiger Tales

Tiger hunting seems to have become legal again. Ever since the Red riding hoods started coming out of the woods with their bad wolf stories, all scribes, journos and television anchors have trained their guns on the poor tiger. Puns on tiger, woods, clubs and holes have been flying thick and fast and people who can’t spell literature are reciting William Blake’s poem by heart. To make matters worse, Gatorade seems to have dropped the tiger from an energy drink commercial, and other sponsors seem to be following suite. And all this just because the tiger decided to have some meat?

Get real folks – tigers have always been carnivorous, and if you decided to uphold this particular tiger as a role-model because of his supposed vegetarianism, then the fault is entirely yours. Besides he has been especially egalitarian in the choice of his morsels – nightclub hostesses, starlets, models and even a porn-star have shared his attention; isn’t that worthy of being a role-model in the land of equal opportunities?

And what is the rationale behind dropping him from an energy drink commercial? In fact, the feats that he has accomplished require considerable energy and verve. Stalking and hunting down as many as eleven females (till reports last came in) is no mean task, and remember this is a game where the prey is often as hungry as the hunter (and one of them a porn-star with a legendary appetite). I think Gatorade made a big blunder in letting him down.

But Tiger needn’t worry, there are many products which he can now endorse, and whose manufacturers would be lining up at his door to get his nod. For instance he would be a big catch for manufacturers of aphrodisiacs, especially as the properties of tiger balls and tiger pricks are renowned in this regard. And India would be a particularly fertile place for him to bag a few commercials with our profusion of capsules and oils to help the male stand erect without shame in the estimation of his female – ‘More Power’ capsules, C P capsules, Rumoherb capsules, Urja oil, Sandha oil, Madrasi oil, Pathani oil, Japani oil (see this post for an especially lucid account of the beneficial properties of this particular oil) and Korean oil, just to name a few.

I have always been a great believer. I've flitted from one belief to another, from religion to atheism and from one philosophy to another, until I finally settled on J. Krishnamurti whose philosophy is that there is no philosophy. So now I firmly believe that there is nothing to believe. Now such a belief would, I believe, have been considered dangerous to society if the authorities had believed me to be of any consequence. No man of consequence they believe would waste his time on the pursuit of blogging!

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Posted in humour
9 comments on “Tiger Tales
  1. Has any man ever tried putting Tiger balm on his penis? It might be an interesting experiment.

  2. nursemyra says:

    Actually I’ve tried the teeniest smidgen of tiger balm on my clitoris – nice effect!

  3. KM says:

    doctor saab .. added “bittersweet pills” on my blogroll

  4. Rofl Indian says:

    Don’t know about the Americans, but the British Open, also known as Claret’s jugs, has 18 gaping holes. The tiger has to claw its way through the holes to get to the jugs…

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